to have it known

last year when I was in
the hospital for that thing
with my


you wouldn’t say it back
and I’ve known since
things had changed deeply in you

a person doesn’t confess love to have it returned
only to have it known
and, love, I’m too honest to
push or pull

I want you around like god, everywhere
all the time, shining
if she’s here at all, she’s like that
and we try to imitate

glints of your light fleck my shadow
my memory is a cosmos of your shining
and I hate any goodbye
but I can only be me to you
a mirror can only tell the truth
you’ll have to step in front of me
for me to see anything


a thousand thousand windows

what a view it must have been
from up there

her apartment in the city like another

traffic sounds far below you,
machines driven by ants
a thousand thousand windows

I wonder, did you wonder how long you
could stay there and miss me?
did the planet feel different with
so far away

did you hope that it would get easier
with time or distance?

I know the answer, and it’s okay to be honest,
who could blame you for honesty?

after all, the city is
they’re all so busy and alive, aren’t
they—look at the bastards living
down there

I’d want to be an ant too

still, someone ought to give warnings:

on a trip to Mars, bring a good book
because, my god, there’s nothing
out there



for the days you wake up

for the days you
    wake up feeling buried
I love you
even with your bones exposed
even with your silence
and “can’t say it” words
for the days you
    wake up spinning
I love you
even your centrifuge heart
pulling apart
at our differences
you’re not so far
I’m not so far
we’re not so far



old love,
I miss you
old love,
your excuses
are more familiar
than you are
take the dust
from my
and fill your
you have enough
to see me